According to the idea that "where much is given, much is required", the church requires much from its members. This is not just a way to mold better people, but is actually a control mechanism to keep the church constantly in your thoughts, and to devote nearly all your time, energies, and money to the church. The idea is to make the church your life. By doing so, it is extremely difficult to leave the church, because you are stunted in your development. You remain a child, not knowing how to behave and act for yourself. You are literally nothing without the church. The following are many ways in which the church works to become foremost in the minds of its members.the list is not in any particular order, just items as I remember them.
1. Music -- repetitive songs taught since primary age (1 1/2years old) get stuck in your head, reminding you that you are a child (I am a child of God), that you are not "worthy" of heaven on your own (various songs about Jesus), that it is your duty to spread the "gospel", and to remind you of certain other behaviors expected of you (pray, read the scriptures, rest on Sunday, etc).
2. Sunday monopolization --3 hour long church -- monopolizes your Sunday so that it is difficult to really rest or gather with friends and family. Many members also attend various extra meetings every Sunday. Also, the charge to "keep the sabbath holy" by abstaining not only from work, but from recreational activities as well
3. Assigned congregations according to geography -- you are not smart enough to choose who you want to attend church with or where. You must go where you are assigned. If you disregard this, you may not hold callings or hold a current temple recommend (because you are not sustaining your local leaders).
4. The stigma of refusing "callings" -- the idea that people are called to certain roles within the church by revelation, that a calling will help you be a better person, that by saying "no", you are somehow not strong enough, worthy enough, or have enough faith. Callings are the regular care and maintenance of everything in your congregation. They include everything from Bishop to handing out programs before Sacrament Meeting each Sunday. Many members teach a class every Sunday (and have to find their own substitutes if they are going to be gone on a particular Sunday). Callings may be performed weekly (also there is the time of preparing for a calling ahead of time), or more often during the week. Callings are not compensated for, and even bishops have a regular 40 hour a week job outside of church. More examples of callings are: Presidencies of each of the auxiliary sub-organizations, librarians, family history consultants, scout leaders, clerks, ward newsletter preparers, clergy working at the prisons, etc. Many people have more than one calling, especially in small wards and branches.
5. Monday night "Family Home Evening" -- a church meeting held in your home each week to indoctrinate your family, including 2 prayers, song, lesson, activity and treat. Billed as a way to stay connected to your family and a way to make your family obey the precepts of the church so your children will not "stray". There is much emphasis put on parents "teaching" their families so that they will stay together forever.
6. Weekday church meetings -- Tuesday night Relief Society for the women (once a month, but more recently implemented as many more social club-type activities much more often), Wednesday night Young Men and Young Women for the teenagers, weekly cub scouts, twice monthly activity days for girls (ages 8-11), various correlation meetings (usually monthly), bishopric meetings and bishop youth council before church on Sundays.
7. Fast and testimony meeting -- members are encouraged to speak impromptu about their faith and beliefs, using the words "I know" during Sacrament meeting. Most wards leave about 15 minutes at the end of Relief Society Meeting as well for the bearing of testimonies on this day. Members are expected to go without food our drink for two meals. Money "saved" from this exercise is to be paid to the church as fast offerings, although fast offerings are encouraged to be much more than the amount saved from skipping two meals. Members are encouraged to give as much as they are able. Don't worry if you forget to pay your fast offering! Young men are assigned to go to every member that day with a special envelope in which their fast offering can be gathered.
8. Giving "talks" -- members are called to give speeches about church topics in front of the congregation. Each ward usually cycles through active members starting at age 12 -- this in place of a regular sermon by a studied preacher.
9. Age driven worthiness goals -- setting church-driven goals since the age of 8 -- memorizing the articles of faith before age 12, accomplishing certain set goals to earn rewards (Faith in God, Young Women in Excellence, Cub and Boy Scouts (church oriented)), young men advance in Priesthood offices every 2 years.
10. Serving Missions as young adults is expected, and paid for by each individual "serving" -- A missionary is immersed in gospel dogma every hour of the day, overworked and under-rested (getting up at 6am, not going to bed until 10pm, working the whole time). Don't be fooled by "preparation day" either. A missionary has only a few hours a week (certainly not a whole day) to themselves to take care of laundry, write home, and "rest". Contact with family and friends is forbidden except in weekly letters and emails, calls are allowed twice a year (on Mother's Day and Christmas). Missionaries are not allowed to return home for important family events such as weddings and funerals.
11. tithing - 10% of gross (if you are really righteous, because you want to be blessed on the gross not the net) income is paid to the church. Yearly, you are "encouraged" to attend tithing settlement where you declare whether or not you pay a full tithe, you can of course give the balance of your tithe to a member of the bishopric at that time and declare yourself a full tithe payer. Tithing is required as the first thing out of your paycheck, even if you can not afford food or housing, "the Lord requires you to pay your tithing". One of the questions asked for a temple recommend interview is if you pay a full tithe. You must pay a full tithe to be able to attend temple, to receive the full blessings of the gospel, to be saved in the highest heaven after you die, to be counted in "the first resurrection", in order to be with your loved ones after this life, and to be able to witness a temple wedding ceremony.
12. Controlling clothing you wear -- Underwear and modesty-- an endowed member (somebody who has been through the temple) must purchase their underwear from the church (called garments). Outer clothing must cover the underwear completely without adjusting the underwear (no tucking, folding or safety pins allowed). Underwear is only supposed to be removed for a few specific purposes then replaced as soon as possible (sex and swimming being the most commonly accepted reasons), women wear bras on top of the underwear (garments must be closest to the skin) (individual Mormons may fudge this one as well). As you deal with underwear several times a day in bathroom duties, tugging it to keep it in place, or even just seeing the lines through the outer clothing, it places the church constantly in your mind. Persons who have not been endowed are told to wear their clothing as if they are wearing the garments, this is modest, they are told -- shorts and dresses past the knee, sleeves on shirts, dresses and blouses. Also as far as swimming goes, girls and women are told to wear a "modest one-piece" swimsuit (bikinis are inappropriate). Boys and men are not told what they can or can not wear, and as such follow the local trends of being topless with swim trunks.
13. Daily duties -- family prayer and scripture study, individual prayer and scripture study, always keeping a prayer in your heart. Liken the scriptures to your life. Search for answers to life's questions in the scriptures. Use music to overcome any bad thoughts or temptations.
14. The Holy Ghost -- Mormons are taught they are special because they have the Gift of the Holy Ghost which will guide them in their lives, if they live worthy of it. They believe that persons who are not members have the "Light of Christ" (intuition) which is vastly inferior. Also that the Holy Ghost's only role to non-members is to witness of truth. The Holy Ghost is meant to be that which we feel as intuition that prompts us to help people, warns us of danger and testifies of truth. The Holy Ghost will only tell you things that are found in Mormon dogma. If you get a "prompting" to murder your grandma, of course that is not the Holy Ghost, even if you feel it with the same feeling and mechanisms you get when you feel inspired to shovel your neighbor's walk. Similarly, if you pray to know if the Mormon church is true (the mechanism encouraged to gain a testimony of the church), and you get the feeling it is, that is the Holy Ghost testifying of the truth of it. If, however, you get the feeling the Mormon church is wrong or evil, that can not be the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is the Golden Standard for Mormons, yet it is biased before the test is even run. If you feel doubt about sketchy things, of course this is the Holy Ghost warning you. If you feel doubt about the church, it is Satan trying to pull you away.
15. Controlling sexuality -- No "sexual relations" with anybody you are not legally married to -- this includes "necking and petting" (basically heavy kissing and touching of private parts). It also includes inducing sexual feelings in yourself. No porn. No masturbation. When you do have sex, it is not an anything goes policy. You are encouraged to pray with your partner and invite the Holy Ghost into your union. You are told not to engage in any unnatural or unholy practice, the definition of which is left vague and open to inconsistent interpretation by local leaders. Some bishops go so far as to outline what you can not do. There was even a time the First Presidency of the church sent out a letter stating that oral sex was unholy. If you have garments, you are supposed to put them on immediately after having sex.
16. Controlling movies you watch and music you listen to -- Rated R movies are taboo (see the strength of youth pamphlet) as is music "that drives the spirit away".
17. Controlling diet through "the word of wisdom" -- even though the Mormon scriptures define it as
optional and not a commandment, it has nevertheless become required for
temple attendance. The "dos" are largely (if not completely) ignored and
the "don'ts" actually preached against in church are not exactly what
are outlined in scripture. For example, alcohol in all forms is
forbidden by the church, even though beer is specifically allowed in the
scripture. Also, hot chocolate is allowed and iced tea and iced coffee
are not, even though the scripture only proscribes "hot drinks".
18. Worthiness interviews and Personal Priesthood Interviews-- Youth are required to have a yearly interview with the bishop to determine their worthiness to hold callings within their age groups, pass the sacrament (boys), and attend the temple. Questions are asked ranging from belief, to outside affiliation with "apostate" groups to individual sexuality. There are a set of questions, but bishops are encouraged to use the Holy Ghost as a guide for more probing questions. Adults are required to have interviews biannually with a member of the bishopric and again with a member of the stake presidency in order to retain a temple recommend. Again questions are asked in order to probe belief and sexual behaviors.
19. Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching -- each person is assigned a partner and a few families to visit each month in order to give a gospel lesson and assess any needs exhibited.
20. Sign ups and assignments -- Various assignments are given or sign up sheets passed around. Some examples are: being assigned to clean the ward building (everybody gets one or two weekends during the year), assigned to work in the church cannery or orchard or whatever (sometimes this is sent as a sign up sheet, though seldom enough members sign up to fill the slots and the time ends up being assigned anyway), sign up to feed the missionaries a meal (and to be solicited for referrals), preparing and taking a meal to somebody who just had a baby or just got out of the hospital, bringing a food item to a ward party, etc.
21. Girls camp & scout camp -- several days away from parents and family focusing mostly (in the case of girls camp) on indoctrination.
22. Seminary and Institute -- Daily scripture lessons for those in high school and college.
23. Beards, tattoos, and piercings -- for important callings in the church (bishops, stake presidents, mission presidents, general authorities), facial hair is highly frowned upon, and in many cases strictly forbidden. Tattoos are frowned upon as are more than "one pair of modest earrings" for girls and women. Men are strictly discouraged from being pierced.
24. Weddings -- in the United States, couples are required to wait one year after a civil marriage to have a temple marriage (that seals them forever to their spouse). If a couple does not want to wait a year, they must have their wedding in the temple.In other countries, the temple ceremony may take place immediately following a civil ceremony. "Unworthy" family members may not be present at the wedding (each guest must be a member of the church in good standing holding a temple recommend). The exchanging of rings is not part of the ceremony. There are no vows to one another (only that the man accepts the woman as his wife, and the woman gives herself to him as his wife). No walking down an aisle or fathers giving their daughters away.
25. Funerals -- Funerals are glorified church meeting with a "life sketch" included. It is an opportunity for church members to preach at the attendees. It includes prayers, songs and sermons.
26. Temple attendance -- members are encouraged to attend the temple at least once a month to participate in ordinances in behalf of those who have died. The ordinances are: baptism, confirmation, initiatory (washing and anointing), endowment, sealing of families.
27. Information Control -- history is rewritten in a positive light and according to current church dogma. Very specific faith building experiences are shared in order to build faith (for example in Primary lesson manuals). Some stories are only historical as urban legends or theory, but presented as fact if they are uplifting, spiritual, and build faith in the church.
28. Every Member a Missionary -- This is actually quite unpopular among members and non-members alike. It boils down to making every interaction with a non-member a "missionary moment". Friendships among the two groups are highly unlikely to develop as it reduces the non-member to a "project". There is always the ulterior motive as a component of such friendships of finding opportunities to introduce Mormonism. This why Mormons tend to stay within their own group. Such friendships are painful to Mormon and non-Mormon alike.
29. Separate but Equal -- The idea that women are submissive to men. This is even sealed as a covenant in the temple. Men covenant to obey God. Women covenant to obey their husbands as their husbands obey God. Women veil their faces in the temple ceremony, whereas men do not. Women are not allowed to serve in high callings in the church. Any calling a woman serves in is overseen by men. The priesthood is reserved for men (while women have the calling of caring for children). A woman covenants to give herself to her husband when she is sealed (married), the husband covenants to take her as his wife. After children graduate from primary (turn 12), one of the hours of church is held as a segregated by sex meeting. There are some movements within the church to correct a few of these inequalities, but so far have not gained much traction (the Ordain Women Movement and the Wear Pants to Church Movement). Most women in the church say they are content in their role to be wives, mothers, and teachers of children.
